It didn't take me very long into my first days of parenthood to find out that I react and respond differently to the ups and downs of childish behavior. Some of the first advice I got as a parent was to let the baby cry as long as he was dry, fed, and burped. Being the eager "rule follower" that I am, I gave it a shot. I lasted about 30 seconds before I rushed to my dependent little newborn baby boy and offered him the nurturing arms that he needed. As he settled down and began to nurse, I knew that this is the kind of parent I wanted to be. I wanted to be the mother that chose to connect instead of disconnect when the going got tough.
I believe that the misbehavior of children is most often just the foolish choices of inexperienced humans. I also believe that children misbehave because of their inability to communicate effectively. We need to set the bar high for our children, but have realistic expectations and reasonable responses to their mistakes.
As I became a more experienced parent, I happily ignored such advice as "Spray your toddler in the face with a water bottle to stop tantrums", or "Bite your child back if he bites you." and the ever-popular "Wash the mouth out with soap" for swearing or backtalk. I waded through the soft sell approach of "spanking without anger" and the kinder and gentler "time out". I finally reached the point at which I realized that I want to be a solid, gentle, firm, and loving role model for my children without punitive discipline. The name of this blog says it all: Respond with love. It's so basic, yet abandoned so quickly by parents when things get tough. During the most difficult times, when I am feeling angry or frustrated or at my wit's end, I repeat as my mantra, Respond with love. Respond with love. Respond with love...until I am ready to do just that.
I look forward to writing about many parenting topics in the future. Feel free to ask any questions or ask for clarification at any time.
Parenting topics coming up:
1. Robot Parenting
2. Proactive Parenting
3. Assume Positive Intent (A phrase I learned from other mothers in the trenches)
3 comments:
Respond with love. I love it. I'm going to adopt that. We teach our boys to "show God's love", and it's so important for me to do that for them.
:)
excellent mantra. we need more of that in this house right now. always a pleasure to read your thoughts on parenting stacy.
That was a wonderful article. I can't wait to read more.
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